i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
