I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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