Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
