Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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