I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
