So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
