hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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