I cannot find my penis.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
