The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The uberlube is also flammable
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
