my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize