she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
