he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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