I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
