Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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