What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
