I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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