Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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