how do flat chested girls get laid?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize