hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
