Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
