Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
