Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize