I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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