Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
