who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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