she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
