dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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