i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
