is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
