I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
