Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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