Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
