do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
