I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize