She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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