I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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