She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sarcasm needs its own font
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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