Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
