It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize