Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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