soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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