So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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