the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
