i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
