Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
