A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
