whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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