a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
