he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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