dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
