i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Too much gin, very little bucket
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize