The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
