you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
