We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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