First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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