trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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