I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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