it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
