don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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