Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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