I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
