dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize