yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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