i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
vagina is talking i cant
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
