Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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