Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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