so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize