Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
