pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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