Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
