Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
