Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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