My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
