i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize