trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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