i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
