i don't like sucking hair
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
