I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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