So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
