Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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