Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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