ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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