I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
