end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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