I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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