We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
