guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
