So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
