Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
