How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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