walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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