Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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