Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
