Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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