just tell him i said nine months
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
