'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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