In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
