Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
