No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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