I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
