i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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