dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
