please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
