He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
