Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
