My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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