I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
